Episode 33: Turning Friction Into Light

In this episode we reveal the purpose of being in relationship, especially those that have some friction. Through the use of analogies, I hope to leave you with a freeing perspective of this tension, so you can lean in. Settle in for an inside look at how my brain works.

What’s in this episode for you:

• The amazing purpose of being in relationship

• The connection between weight lifting and self-actualization

• The important role we all play in creating harmony

• Steps for recovery as we rebuild during this time

Tools for change:

Think about a relationship where you have some friction right now, and ask yourself - What can I let go of? Then observe what opens up for you in the space you created.

Poem:

eleven by Tanya Markul

The pain

that made you

the odd one out

is the story

that connects you

to a healing world

Pick up the talking piece:

What came up for you as you listened to this episode? I'd love to hear your experiences with any of the reflections and exercises. Send me an email at podcast@humconsulting.ca or leave a voicemail (click the voicemail button on the right).

Transcript: (Some words may not be accurately recorded. Please let us know if something seems off.)

AT: Change begins from within. As easy as it is to look outside of ourselves and want the world to change, the truth is it never will if we remain the same. This podcast was created for changemakers like you who want more love and connection in your community. Today, you are going to hear stories that will inspire you and also challenge you to be the change. We are going to go deep, my friend. So, take a deep breath and settle in. My name is Ame-Lia Tamburrini. Welcome to the Circle of Change.

Hi, friend. I’m so glad you’re here with me today in Circle.

On the last episode, you might have heard that I signed up for a training program. Yes, I did and it starts this week.

I am super excited and totally intimidated by this program. Even though, in a former life I used to be a competitive athlete and do a lot of exercise, but I feel like post-cancer, I still don’t a hundred percent trust my body. And, also, it feels like a lifetime ago since I really set a goal with my fitness and went after it.

So, these feelings of doubt about this program combined with my coach’s guidance and a recent conversation that I heard with Marianne Williamson inspired this podcast here today, which really touches on the purpose of being in relationship. In particular, those relationships that might not feel so good.

Now, I promise you that if you stick with me ‘til the end, you’ll see how all these pieces fit together. This is really an inside look at how my brain works. I love taking different fields and concepts and mashing them together and applying my own lens, all for the purpose of helping me and you to understand the world and ourselves better.

Let’s settle in with a really quick poem by Tanya Markul. This is her poem, Eleven, from the book The She Book.

So, if you haven’t already, take a deep breath and get present in the space.

The pain that made you the odd one out is the story that connects you to a healing world. The pain that made you the odd one out is the story that connects you to a healing world.

I love this poem, Tanya. Thank you so much.

So, Marianne Williamson, I’m going to start here. I listened to her speak the other day. And if you don’t know of Marianne Williamson, she’s one of the most powerful and influential spiritual leaders in the modern day.

She’s a former presidential candidate. She’s the author of many life-altering books. She’s a teacher of a course in miracles and she’s an overall changemaker extraordinaire. I have deep, deep reverence for this woman.

She was speaking about how being in relationship with others is by design is to help us to actually live our life purpose. In other words, it’s intended, being in relationship with others is intended for us to fully step into our highest potential in this lifetime. It’s necessary for our human evolution.

Just like everything in life, relationships have their ebb and their flow. Sometimes they feel really good, you’re smooth sailing, everything feels good, and you’re really confident and comfortable and feeling safe in that dynamic, whatever that dynamic happens to be.

And then, there are those other moments where the relationship doesn’t feel so good. And, here, I’m talking about relationship with the global world, the relationship with your neighbors, with your friends, with your colleagues, with your partner, with your kids, whatever that happens to be, but being in relationship with others.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel so good. There might be jealousy or hurt or loss. In those tender moments, we get crack open in some way. They bump up against those walls that keep us feeling safe and maybe expose our vulnerability. In those moments is where the opportunity lies to set more fully into our life purpose destiny for this lifetime.

[0:05:02]

It’s like those cracks, they open up more space for us to see something differently, for us to let in a teaching maybe that didn’t fit before or see the world through a different lens.

This is the process of self-actualization, becoming more of who were intended to become in this lifetime. And everybody’s endpoint for what that looks like is unique to them and their own journey. It just happens that we’re able to do that, something opens up in us genuinely when things don’t feel so good.

When things are feeling really good, we’re often not doing a lot of questioning or self-reflection to expand our awareness of who we are in the world.

So, Marianne says that it’s only in relationship that we can fully know ourselves. That’s the purpose of being in relationship. And when we do fully know ourselves, when we go through this process of self-actualization, that is when we are able to then collaborate with others. And from that place of collaboration is when we can be of service and shine our light.

So, this is not we self-actualize a hundred percent and then we can collaborate and then we can be in service. It’s an evolution. We are always in opportunity to learn more about ourselves to deepen our collaborations and to be of more service to each other. This is essentially the life journey.

Marianne draws this analogy which I’m going to leave you with here because I think it’s so brilliant. And it’s something that you can maybe hold onto when you are in a rough patch.

So, think of a ruby. It starts as this rough rock, there’s bumps and dents and scratches. You can’t really see the insides very well. But, through this process over time where this rock has rubs up against other rocks and sand and the elements, the rock begins to smooth out and that outer layer disappears. And what’s left is this smooth shiny brightness.

So, you can think of your relationships in that way, that they are intended to rub up against you, so that your smooth and shiny self can emerge and you can be of more light to the world. You can shine your light even brighter.

So now, because I’ve just started this very intimidating weight program and I’ve been reading what’s going to be going on physiologically as we lift weights, there is – there’s such a natural analogy here that I want to leave with you. This is my inner kinesiologist getting very, very excited.

So, in this weight program, we are going to be working out our muscles to failure. Like, that sounds really terrifying to me. But, essentially what we’re going to be doing is repetition after repetition after repetition until we get to our – a point where we literally can’t lift the weight anymore.

And in that moment, just like imagine, ugh, the weight falling to the floor in dramatic fashion and grunting. Ugh, let’s not talk about grunting. That’s a whole other conversation about my neighbor right now. [laughs]

Anyways, in the days that follow, our muscles are sore. They are sore because that strong load of resistance creates these micro tears in the muscle. And over the next few days, all sorts of magic start to happen in our body.

We’ve got caretakers coming in to manage the inflammation and amino acids that start forming fibers to build stronger connection between two attachment points of the muscle. And when there are more fibers, our muscles have more power. They get stronger.

Are you making the connection already? [laughs]

So, the steps in this program are I was thinking about this, like, what am I going through to get to experience the change that I want to see, which is eventually more strength, more collaboration.

So, first of all, I committed to the change. I committed to this program. Then, I’m being in action. I’m lifting the weights repetitively to this point of exhaustion, which is forming these micro tears in the muscle, which provides pain and discomfort. Oh, gosh. [laughs]

And that allows for all these bits and pieces to come together to form new muscle and ultimately, results in stronger connection between two points. And if I keep doing this over time with lots of repetition, there’s strength and stamina and power and resilience that forms.

[0:10:08]

So, this is no different than our journey of self-actualization to collaboration to being in service. We commit to being the change. We surround ourselves with the support that we need. And then, we go out there and be in action. We’re in relationship with others in the world.

In some moments, we feel the pain in those relationships and we work it until it becomes exhausting. And we get to a point where something needs to give, where we’re dropping the weight. So, maybe we drop being right or we drop proving ourselves or judging or blaming or fear.

And when we do that, it allows for new openings, awakenings, and awareness’s, which ultimately create an opportunity for stronger connection with ourselves and those around us to form. And over time when we keep doing this over and over, there’s greater trust and collaboration and resilience and power.

That’s brilliant, isn’t it?

Part of why I want to offer you this here, both the analogy of the ruby and the muscle building is my hope that is it that provides a new lens for you to look at the discomfort that you might be feeling with whatever you are rubbing up against right now.

So, this is you in the process becoming shinier and stronger, so ultimately, you can be of service to the level that was intended for you in this lifetime, which is our life purpose.

So, I want to leave you with this question. In this moment, in this season of spring where we are going through a lot of cleaning, whether that’s in our house, in our relationships, in finances, in our relationship with the world. There’s a reason why spring cleaning is a thing for the season, so there can be some discomfort in this period of time.

So, what is it that needs to let go? What is it that needs to let go? Is it being right? Is it a certain way of being? Is it a story? Is it wanting to be someone that you’re not? What is it that needs to be let go of in this moment?

And then, what opens up for you when you let that go? Is there room for more support in your life? Deeper connection to source or spirit? Is there room for new approach or possibility or story or dream?

So, here is the thing. Just like when we build muscle, we are stronger when there are more of us working together in collaboration with each other toward the same goals. There’s more love, more joy, more harmony. And we get stronger through pain by breaking down and rebuilding.

And that’s really the stage we are in right now on this global scale. So, if you are feeling the weight of the world, first know that you’re not alone. And if you are feeling like you don’t quite know who you are and what you’re here to do and how to do it, you’re also not alone. We are all coming out of this extended survival mode, some of us longer than others and, yet, still globally, we are one and the same.

You know, we’ve all been through this pandemic together and if anything, use that to remind yourself of our interconnectedness.

So, in this rebuilding stage, remember to recover to take care of yourself, get a massage, spend some time in nature, be compassionate with yourself and others.

Change is a form of breaking down and repairing. And when we do that, we will be stronger on the other end if we take the opportunity to go inward and do that in relationship with the world and those around us.

And I want to support you in that journey and I hope this Circle dialogue feels supportive to you. But know that, here, you are seen, you are deeply cared for, and that you have an ally that is committed to working alongside you as we go through this journey of life together.

You are amazing changemaker. I know that whatever you are rubbing up against is here for you to shine your light brighter.

[0:14:58] 

Before I sign out, I want to ask you a favor. I’ve never done this before and I’m committed to having more and more people listen and take in this podcast and sit in circle with us.

So, one way to do that is if you rate and leave a review on the podcast, it really helps podcasts like this to get seen and expose to more and more people. So, I love to collaborate with you on that. So, please go and rate and review and subscribe to the Circle of Change.

Thank you so much for being here. I love you. Ciao.

I'm now passing the talking piece to you. If you feel called to put your voice in the circle, please head to humconsulting.ca/podcast and share your story there. I cannot wait to hear what has come up for you as you have listened to what has been shared here today. I wish you love and joy beyond your wildest imagination. Thank you so much for being here in the Circle of Change.

I also wanna express my gratitude to the following peeps: Circle of Change is recorded on Lekwungen territories and I am so grateful to live on this land. Our opening and closing music was created by the talented Errol Beats. You can find his creations at errolbeats.com. And special thanks to my coach, Mary Chan, of Organized Sound Productions for bringing this podcast to life. Until next time, Ciao!

Gratitude: 

Circle of Change is recorded on lək̓ʷəŋən territories.

Our opening and closing music was created by the talented E-Rol Beats. You can find his creations at www.erolbeats.com

My fabulous podcast coach, Mary Chan of Organized Sound Productions, brought this podcast to life www.organizedsound.ca