Episode 29: Shedding Old Ways to Invite in the New
Welcome to the Spring season of Circle of Change! We start this season by welcoming in new beginnings and asking ourselves powerful questions to release what no longer serves us. This is the work of the change-maker! Tune in to discover how shedding parts of ourselves is as natural as your dog shedding fur. When we lean into this process we can find more joy on this journey of Life. Thanks for being here for another season of change!
What’s in this episode for you:
Guidance from the energy of Spring
An exploration of our "I’m not good enough” stories
The reasons why we hold onto old ways and why it’s necessary to let them go
Four questions to help you identify what you’re ready to release
Tools for change:
Pour yourself a cup of tea and settle into these powerful questions courtesy of Mark Nepo. They are intended to support your process of letting go and stepping more fully into the being you are ready to be today:
What are you carrying that is dead skin for you?
What are you being called to shed, to put to rest, in order to gain greater access to the hidden wholeness of life?
What voices are asking you to keep your old skin and not to change?
What is the cost to you for not renewing your connection with all that is eternal?
Listen to Mary Chan of Organized Sound Productions’s episode featuring the journey of Circle of Change: The Podcaster’s Guide to a Visible Voice
Pick up the talking piece:
What came up for you as you listened to this episode? I'd love to hear your experiences with any of the reflections and exercises. Send me an email at podcast@humconsulting.ca or leave a voicemail (click the voicemail button on the right).
Transcript: (Some words may not be accurately recorded. Please let us know if something seems off.)
[00:00:00] Ame-Lia: Change begins from within. As easy as it is to look outside of ourselves and want the world to change, the truth is, it never will if we remain the same. This podcast was created for change-makers like you who want more love and connection in your community. Today you are going to hear stories that will inspire you, and also challenge you to be the change. We are going to go deep, my friend, so take a deep breath and settle in. My name is Ame-Lia Tamburrini - Welcome to the Circle of Change.
[00:00:50] Welcome to the spring season of the Circle of Change. I love being back. I love that you're joining me here in circle today. This is an exciting season because within it, we are marking our official one-year anniversary. We launched on May 13th, 2021. It is so cool to reflect on this journey, not only for the podcast, but also for me, who I was, what I was doing one year ago, how I was showing up. In many ways I was up to the same things,
[00:01:26] but I think I was doing them in different ways. The podcast is a great example of that. I was terrified of this microphone. I was very conscious of how I sounded and I was very much into perfection and today I feel more relaxed. I like including some of the voice messages. I'm more concerned about you than myself, and I'm committed to showing up stronger because I know there are actual listeners and your feedback has been so heartwarming.
[00:02:02] So thank you so much for those of you who reached out and shared with me what has come up for you. It means the world to hear your reflections and your stories. So thank you. Keep it up. I am here anytime. If you want this, I have shared this journey of the first year of the podcast with my podcast, producer, Mary Chan on her podcast.
[00:02:29] And if you haven't checked out that episode, it's really amazing. I recommended it. There are lots of great lessons in there for being the change that I think you're going to appreciate. So we'll put the link in the show notes. Spring season is all about growth. We are planting seeds and new ideas. There are new beginnings.
[00:02:50] There's a refreshed energy and we are seeing more. Physically, this is also true as the new growth of vegetation that is starting to appear. There's increased hours of daylight. There's buds growing and birds singing, and the earth smells are rich and full of life. I don't know about you, but for me, the spring has the most measurable changes that I can see both in nature and in myself.
[00:03:22] I personally tend to shed a few pounds. My diet transitions from those heavier comforting foods to more light and crisp and astringent foods. There's clarity. That seems more readily available to me as these clouds of the winter season part. And even though I can't see the whole path, I'm more able to see that next step and willing to take inspired action.
[00:03:49] This whole season on circle of change is going to support you on that path. We are going to hear from some amazing change makers who share these amazing stories of overcoming and how they turned their pains into their passions. And they're going to provide fresh and inspiring new ways for you to be in the world that aligns with where you are and where the world is going.
[00:04:16] Energetically, these guests really do represent the evolution of the world of this show and our collective journey together. So thank you again for being here on this journey with me, with our guests, with everybody else, who's listening, let's settle in and ground ourselves in a reading that will guide our circle today.
[00:04:43] Part of a new beginnings is this process of. And that is our theme for today. Shedding, what no longer serves you. So I invite you to close your eyes. If you are in a safe space to do that and take a deep breath in
[00:05:01] and let it out, let it out and take another deep breath. Yeah. And let that out, breathing everything away that does not serve you in this moment. And take one more deep breath in and prepare yourself for what you are here to receive in this time that we have together in surface. The reading today comes from one of my favorite authors.
[00:05:33] Mark Nepo you might be familiar with him. You will be, if you have listened to other episodes, his beloved book, the book of awakening is my spiritual grounding. It's how I tap in every morning to something greater than myself. And I'm going to share with you today. Some readings from his March 28th, then March 29th entry.
[00:05:59] The gift of shedding from the beginning, the key to renewal has been to cast off old skin. It is interesting that the earliest peoples believe in something that we in our modern hive of manufacturing have forgotten that immortality is attainable by. The descendants of North Borneo have believed for centuries that when God finished creating the world, he announced that whoever is able to cast off his skin shall not die, but what does this mean?
[00:06:32] Not that we can live forever, but that the way to stay closest to the pulse of life, the way to stay in the presence of that divine reality, which informs everything is to be willing to change. Change, what to change. Whatever has seized to function within us to shed whatever we are carrying that is no longer alive to cast off our dead skin because dead skin can't feel dead eyes.
[00:07:00] Can't see dead ears. Can't hear. And without feeling there is no chance of wholeness and wholeness remains our best chance to survive the pain of breaking. Of course for human beings, dead skin takes many forms. The most significant of which remain intangible, but suffocating such as a dead way of thinking a dead way of seeing a dead way of relating a dead way of believing or a dead way of experiencing in essence, shedding opens us to self transformation.
[00:07:36] Paradoxically those who refuse such renewal will sooner or later be forced to undergo transformation anyways, as a result of being broken or eroded by the world, very often both occur at the same time. That is we shed from within while being eroded from without thank you, mark NEPA. For those words. This topic of shedding is so important for the springtime.
[00:08:06] And we can see that it's all around us in nature. You know, baby birds will be cracking out of their shells. Plants. We breaking through the earth. Domestic animals are shedding their winter. Other animals shed as needed and on an ongoing basis. And this is available to us as well and encouraged, but spring is a nice reminder to get intentional about what we are ready to let go of.
[00:08:33] So we can blossom. When I thought about this for myself, what came to me is my need for external validation of my value, including seeking approval for who I am and what I do in the world. Like many kids. I grew up seeking the approval of my parents, my father in particular. And I love my father dearly and we had a really precarious relationship.
[00:09:00] And because of messaging that I interpreted from him and his cultural upbringing, I spent most of my childhood and adult life seeking his love, but then turning his love away when he showed it to. I mean, it's quite a fascinating human behavior, unintentionally proving my worth and not accepting the validation became a preoccupation.
[00:09:28] I chose partners who loved me, but I couldn't accept that love and always wanted them to be more or different. I was a very high achieving athlete and academic, and I didn't allow myself to celebrate any of those accomplishments before moving on to the next. I had and still have high expectations of myself and others and Ken judge harshly when we don't collectively live up to those expectations.
[00:09:54] This is something I work with daily based on many years of interacting with humans and listening to people's stories. I know that I'm not the only one that has this preoccupation. And in fact, I would say that all of us have some version of I'm not good at. Concocted by our own special combinations of life, experiences and histories and the stories we told ourselves when we were young.
[00:10:20] When you look at your life, what comes up for you? How does this story of I'm not good enough just as I am play out. Where I see it most strongly today is in my business. I have a consulting firm that supports change makers around the world to create conversations where everybody feels seen and heard and United to those around them.
[00:10:47] I know this is my gift to the world, and people are always reflecting back to me. You know, when you show up something happens, something magical, occurs. It's so hard for me to hear those words. And yet I am trying to open up to receive part of the issue is that my way of being is so natural to me. And so it's hard for me to see it.
[00:11:11] And secondarily, because I have this habit of not appreciating the value that I bring. So I lose my words when somebody asks me, what do I do and how I benefit communities and organizations. I shy away from giving my gifts sometimes because I buy into this story that I don't bring value or that what I bring won't benefit them.
[00:11:35] And sometimes I undercharged because it doesn't feel right to charge what my time is actually worth. This is what came out for me. When I asked myself, what is it that I'm ready to share? And I'm just going to proclaim right now. I choose to shed the protective layer that keeps me from hearing and seeing the value of what I bring.
[00:11:55] I choose to shed any story that tells me that what I do isn't valuable just because it comes so naturally to me, doesn't mean that it does to others, that this is a gift. That is what a gift is after all, something that flows from you without effort. What is your gift? And are you giving it full. When we keep these old layers on, it starts to feel really icky when we are ready to shed them, we begin to feel weighed down or stuck, and our smell repels these opportunities that are waiting for us.
[00:12:33] Oh, that's kind of gross, but it's a good, strong analogy. These old layers are simply bad habits. They're habitual ways of being of thinking of processing information and responding and just like we form those habits. We can form other habits. There are many reasons why we don't shed these layers and I'm sure you can think of a few for yourself.
[00:12:58] I want to continue to read mark Nico's words as he gets into this, and then unpack this a little bit more with. What keeps us from shedding. Often we give up our right to renewal to accommodate the anxiety of those around us. For sure. Living is not easy. And living openly is both wondrous and dangerous.
[00:13:19] The fact is that shedding, no matter how useful or inevitable always has pain of its own. Unfortunately, there's no escaping this underside of growth. So it is not surprising that there are many feelings peculiars of human beings that prevent us from shedding. What has seize to work, including fear, pride, nostalgia, a comfort in the familiar.
[00:13:44] And I want to please, those we love often we give up our right to renewal to accommodate the anxiety of those around us. When we see is to shed, what's dead in us in order to Sue the fear of others, we remain partial. When we see as to surface our most sensitive skin, simply to avoid conflict with others, we remove ourselves from all that is true.
[00:14:08] When we maintain ways we've already discarded just to placate the ignorance of those. We love, we lose our access to what is eternal. Our habits of proving our self-worth or proving that we are lovable appear because we want to be liked and accepted. This is a survival mechanism that served us as kids when we depended on other people to live.
[00:14:34] But as adults holding onto these ways of being thought patterns does nothing, but get in the way of being who we truly are. It was never the intention of the creator that we come here to prove ourselves. It is very clear to that big, amazing, magical, beautiful energy force that we are whole beautiful beings just as we are.
[00:14:59] And this life experience is here to help us heal, to shed stories and ways of being of processing the world that no longer serves humanity. And to relax into the perfect timing of the process. I've been reflecting on this in relation to this scab I have on my knee from a volleyball game a few weeks ago, I've been thinking about this scab and how it's like that old skin that will only fall off when the skin underneath is strong enough to withstand the outer environment.
[00:15:34] I know that's a gross maybe analogy, but it's very irrelevant for me right now. This is the same thing as our own shedding process. We know I wasn't ready to shed the story of what I offer to this world is not valuable until this season right now. I mean, I needed all the experiences I needed the teams who rely on me to show up.
[00:15:58] I needed the communities and the leaders who are asking me to give them what I'm here to help. I needed all of this to give me the strength and conviction to let go of this belief. Sometimes it takes really painful moments to give us the conviction to let go to really look at and see what's going on.
[00:16:17] That's no longer serving us and walk from it. I think about the last two years and all the pain that we have experienced the death of George Ford. The discovery of the unmarked graves in many indigenous communities across north America. And COVID many tremendous pains were experienced by witnessing and being part of these events and what this pain did for many people was stopped them in their tracks to say, hang on a second.
[00:16:53] What's going on here? And bravely asked the question, how am I contributing to this? And then maybe bravely asking the next question of what is it that I need to let go of what way of being do I need to release so that I no longer contribute to causing this pain for future generations. That is the work of a changemaker and it's the work of so many courageous people across our country and continent and world.
[00:17:21] And it's really quite prevalent right now, as we emerge, interestingly enough, in the spring from this long period. Of hibernation of more restriction of pain. There is a real resurgence, and you can feel the energy of the, in the air of a new possibility, a new life, new ways of being, and we weren't ready to shed these old ways of being before for whatever reason.
[00:17:51] And many people still have. But if you are listening to this and there is part of you or all of you that is ready to carve out a new path for yourself and for your fellow, sisters and brothers, and for this beloved, or because everything depends on us shedding, these old ways of being it is our responsibility as humans.
[00:18:13] So as we close, I want to leave you with a few reflections that Mark Nepo provides. These are questions for you to journal for you to ask yourself and settle into and see what arises for you. What are you carrying that is dead skin for you? What are you being called to shed? To put, to rest in order to gain greater access to the hidden wholeness of life?
[00:18:42] What voices are asking you to keep your old skin and not to change? And what is the cost to you for not renewing your connection with all that is eternal. And I will add what is the cost to this world, to this earth, to your community, for not renewing your connection with all that is eternal. I am cheering you on as you settle into these questions and open yourself up and be curious and know that when you are ready, You will be able to let go of whatever is there for you and the result it's light, you feel lighter, you are able to feel more love and you shine your own light, brighter.
[00:19:24] This is all a magical thing and is part of this great unfolding of life. Thank you so much for being here for our spring season. Change-maker I am grateful for you and our time together. We'll see you next week.
[00:19:55] I'm now passing the talking piece to you. If you feel called to put your voice in the circle, please head to humconsulting.ca/podcast and share your story there. I cannot wait to hear what has come up for you as you have listened to what has been shared here today. I wish you love and joy beyond your wildest imagination. Thank you so much for being here in the Circle of Change.
I also wanna express my gratitude to the following peeps: Circle of Change is recorded on Lekwungen territories and I am so grateful to live on this land. Our opening and closing music was created by the talented E-Rol Beats. You can find his creations at erolbeats.com. And special thanks to my coach, Mary Chan, of Organized Sound Productions for bringing this podcast to life. Until next time, Ciao!
Gratitude:
Circle of Change is recorded on lək̓ʷəŋən territories.
Our opening and closing music was created by the talented E-Rol Beats. You can find his creations at www.erolbeats.com
My fabulous podcast coach, Mary Chan of Organized Sound Productions, brought this podcast to life www.organizedsound.ca